tmj1998’s blog

This has been puttin' a bee in my bonnet, so to speak, and since I've been stirrin' the mental strings, I really feel the need to have another rant. This is difficult for me, as I recoginze that I am a social worker and therefore subject to scrutiny in my private as well as "public" life.

So, today, I get an e-mail from a dear friend reminding me of many ways that I can access and use my voice during this election cycle.  It is simple, really.... go to PBS.ORG and look at the NOW polls. There was one started during the RNC where viewers were asked to voice their opinion on Sara Palin being capable of holding the Vice Presidency of the United States.   I then googled it to see what oposition there was to this (because in all fairness, I believe you need to hear both sides to make a whole judgement)...I came across a couple of bloggers who actually had used words to describe Obama policies as "Marxism" and one of their topics of interest was "WWIV" ....I know that Sara Palin subscribes to  an "end times" philosophy where she is invisioning the "end times" and being called to heaven for the rapture. This blogger denounces liberals as being godless and evil incarnate.  My first impulse is to engage these egoists who are so "humbled" by their devotion to their God. However, I know that is a futile effort. How do you rationalize with the irrational? 

Once upon a time, I thought John McCain was a fair candidate for the presidency. I cannot and do not think that any more. I have a hard time swallowing that he will be "against big business" when it is big business that puts SEVEN roofs over his head. And the majority of his campaign staff are or have been lobbyists working for big business. I have a hard time believing Sara Palin is for "the family" when I see photos of her children in the press being pimped out for votes during the labor day weekend, having a most private and embarrassing time (unwed pregnancy at 17) being discussed from shore to shore,  etc.  I have only seen one photo of her holding her infant son with down syndrome...All of this insults me and my instincts as a mother.  If she had one person come out and say that she was a vindictive woman who would vow to ruin anyone who voiced opposition to her then I would say...well, there is something peronsal against her...But the fact that these reports keep surfacing from everyone who has stood in opposition to her with every public office coupled with not one but MANY ethics investigations into how she governs makes me think she is just an unethical crack pot.  I also worry about John McCain...I have had friends who have made working with victims of torture their "specialty" and what they have told me in regards to people who survive torture is that there is no way to put back together what has been irrevocably damaged.  To have someone who has (at best) a chronic issue with PTSD  in the white house is not right.  

And I reject the idea that the Media is "liberal" with people touting it as fact. If it were true, that day has come and gone.  The Media cow-towed to the white house with GW in it shortly after the attacks on the pentagon and twin towers.  So much so that no media showed the PBS footage of several of GW's closest friends stating that he would attempt to invade Iraq and go after Saddam Hussein if he ever won the presidential election of 2000...that he was "fixated" to the point that he would make up a reason and sell it to the American people.  Followed by the "outing" that the pres and CEO of the Fox news co. purposefully "recreated" truths to suppor the Iraq war.   Furthermore, several heads of the major news/media chains that own the news in our country have been shown to be major contributers to the GOP.  How then, can the media be "liberal"? It defies logic to me. 

Another thing that bothers me with the "religious right"... they are so egotistical to think that they can bring about the "end times" and the rapture and so strong in the conviction that they are "right"...Doesn't that smack of putting oneself' and one's convcitions ahead of God? How can you say it isn't? Where is the stewardship, the humility that Christ taught? Where is the compassion and love for those who think and act differently than we do?

This week, when life is very stressful (we're talking very stressful at work and on the personel front too) I've been looking at my garden and thinking of gardening. And then I received an e-mail from my mother-in-law where she tells me she doesn't think she is a true "gardener"  and I think it is all a matter of definition ....really...

This past "growing season" (at least that is partly how I have come to view Minnesota Summers)...I have discovered a level of social engaging that I knew existed but never really acknowledged.  I think it transpires with your first home...And you discover one of many choice you may or may not have encountered prior to the closing and signing away of your life: the yard.  To establish a garden or keep the lawn?  It could read as a veritible  flow chart that was so infamously used in corporate America of the 1980's and 1990's.  If you keep the lawn your choices are limited to: DIY or Chemlawn (can you believe a company ACTUALLY used the name "chemlawn" to promote their business??!?!?!?! )If you choose to establish a garden you are limited to: vegetable or flowering? 

Thru many growing seasons, I have discovered that I am a flowering type of gardener.  And this growing season, I think of my friends and the stories I have with each plant in a sort of therapeutic stream of consciousness. I feel that I am connected with my neighbors ("We had 4 o'clocks as part of my childhood too...Thanks for giving me some seeds."), to my grandmothers ("Grandma Johnson always said a garden needed a splash of white and she always planted tuber begonias....and Grandma Jo said to pinch off the impatients so they didn't get too woody looking later on").  I teach my children the words of the plants that were spoken to me when I received them ("oh, don't worry about the nasturtium, they're 'fool proof' and the flowers are edible").  I teach them about picking an annual that reminds them of their family: impatients for Nana Rox and Grandma Jo, Coleus for me, begonia or red geraniums for their great grandmas,  I encourage them to add something new-sweet potato vine, spikes, oxasis- to be reminded that we plant and sow the present with a combination of the past while nurturing and growing the plant for the present and the future.

How would you like to be remembered?
Submitted by Paulha66.

I would hope to be remembered as a loving person who embraced imperfection. I would hope to be remembered with love, laughter and stories of things I did (or didn't do), or moments that were shared with others.  I would hope that my children would remember that I loved them-each of them, for who they are and how they engage in this world.  I would hope to be remembered as someone who listened, loved, lived and learned. I would like to be described and remembered as a good cook, messy homemaker, infrequent gardner, and a "genuine" friend-the kind you don't have to watch your P's and Q's around or get all dressed up for.  I would hope to be remembered as someone who was passionate, who loved and was loved in return.

I am struggling to figure out how to use this medium.  Do I attempt to write prose/poetry of the sort I did years ago?

Do I rant and vent about the struggles of my daily life and mention that my 5 year old locked his nearly 3 year old brother in the bathroom because "he was bothering me"...Not that the 3 year old wanted to be let out....he was quite content with flushing the toilet and playing with his bath toys, turning on water and the such, discuss the concerns I have about my 8 year old developing anxiety and consistently being told she "does not listen" and struggles with math? Is this what "No Child Left Behind Policy" has created for me?

Do I discuss hot political issues and my obersvances and frustrations?  Do I vent my frustrations at the Health care system and run the risk of having my clients read about my true feelings? (A BIG NO-NO when it comes to medical social work). 

 But no, it is time for bed and dreams of my super-hero magic powers.  And dreams of hiking along wind swept shores and gorgeous Victorian mansions.  The morning comes too soon.

If you could perform alongside any artist (actor, dancer, musician, etc.), who would it be, and what would you perform? 
Submitted by Kristin. 

Depends wholly upon the fantasy.  Some days, I'm acting with John Cusack or Damian Lewis.  Some days I would actually be able to sing and would be singing with Bono,  Indigo Girls, Melissa Etheridge or John Lennon.  Could be cooking along side Alton Brown or any of the chefs on Iron Chef America...

When was the last time you made a drastic change to your personal style (i.e., wardrobe, hairstyle, etc.)? What did you do? 
Submitted by miyna. 

Last time I made a drastic change was to cut my hair roughly 6 or more inches. What preceeded this drastic change was an evening spent with my neighbors Greg and Dane (otherwise known as "evil enabler elves") drinking wine...too much wine. At one point, they turned to me and said "Honey, you're too young to keep looking so 'Mum-ish'-you need to do something to freshen you up-get a different hair do."  So, I did...roughly nine-10 months later our third "Suprise" baby arrived.  My husband and I "blame" the hair cut and our neighbors for Liam's conception.

This has been a week for me....first, my step father gets told during his pacemaker check up that his batteries are winding down and he may have only 2 days left...so, they admit him right away and replace it. Scary to think that if his appointment was 3 days away...his pacemaker would've quit and he wouldn't be with us as he is totally dependent upon it right now.

Second, the I 35 bridge collapse in Minneapolis.  My mother drives (drove) that bridge everyday to work for the past 20 + years.  If the bridge had collapsed, say, 12 hours earlier, my mother may not be with us.  A co-worker that I recently discovered is also a family member by marriage (we say "Step-Aunt-in-law")...had driven over that bridge 30 minutes prior to it's collapse...It is all about timing, isn't it?  If the bridge hadn't been narrowed down to accomodate repairs, how many more cars would've been on it?  How many more lives would've been devastated? 

My mother walked into work yesterday and people were hugging one another, dropping the petty corporate gossip and power plays and letting each other know the positive ways they impact one another.   I wish that kind of thing would happen in this world without such a tragedy occuring...

So, this Wednesday will be my last day as a Social Worker in Long Term Care.  I am feeling a mix of things I didn't think I would feel-a part of me still has a huge degree of ownership toward my position here. I haven't really felt that when I have left other jobs.  One may ask, why, then am I leaving?  For a variety of reasons- I'm relinquishing a fulltime benefit eligible position for a part time benefit eligible position. I am getting $4.00 more, I am expanding my resume, I will expand my knowledge and skill base.  I will get better health insurance coverage with less cost. I will save $500/month in child care.  I will be an at home Mommy 2 days/week...And yet, a part of me is wondering if I am making the "right" choice.

I had a dream last night in which I had a conversation with someone...describing my conflicting thoughts and feelings...What I remember of the dream is that it was said that I am too comfortable where I am, and it is only in the unknown where we truly can encounter our growth opportunities...it is usually in the time when we are out of our comfort zones that we discover something new.  At least that is what I am now telling myself.

What are the 10 most memorable music performances you've seen? (Remember, "memorable" may not be good.) 
Submitted by Bill. 

1. Not sure of his name, but he worked 1 season out at Minnesota Renaissance Festival-a world famous European classical guitarist...(he had a partner who was a younger female, and I can't recall what they were called).  As he played, there was such a sense of peace that flooded the space and caused the world to stop. I disctinctly remember the fuschia/pink flowers, the September sun, the chai tea in my jack, and the lazy bee buzzing around, looking for food.

2.  Lojo Russo and Funk's Grove recording of their live album at the Cedar Cultural Center. Everyone was there to support Lojo and her band, and it was happiness...with some pretty gosh darned good music too.

3. Ani Di Franco at the Cedar Cultural Center. I distinctly remember her energy and attempting to calm the crowd before she sang her "dear John" song.  Plus, there were some amazing women at the concert too...

4. Dread Zepplin at some Minneapolis club that is now (and has been) defunct for a long time...It was Dread Zepplin, how could you not find them memorable?!?

5. Todd Menton and Stuart Martz, almost every Tuesday at the Irish Well. The Tuesday that sticks out in my mind was when Todd shared with us his particular vision of a Star Trek character covered in lunch meat...for better or worse, it is still stuck in my head.

6. Gallow Glass at Kiernan's Irish Pub in 1997-one of their "Hey, everyone is in town, let's play together again" moments. Ken and Lojo could give up their instruments (although-Why!?!?) and do stand up comedy. 

7.Tuvan Throat Singers at the Cedar Cultural Center.  When a human voice can sing at multiple octaves and whistle at the same time, WOW!! (even if you don't understand what they're saying).

8. Tori Amos at the State or Orpheum Theatre (can't recall which).  Her passion for the piano was a very erotic thing to bear witness to...or maybe it was my date that evening.

9. STOMP at the Ordway. STOMP!

10. the most recent musical performance-the Wiggles at Excel Energy center. It was a grandma, mom and me thing, and my daughter's very first concert at age 3 1/2.  I think it was my daughter that made it memorable, although once you've heard a Wiggle song, you can't get it out of your mind.

In your ultimate dream house, what does your favorite room look like?

it would be a toss up between the kitchen/family room area or the bathroom...

If it is the kitchen, it would have all the latest and greatest for cooler, refridgeration, and range/oven capacity...Not really tied into color scheme, but I do like stone counter tops and wood floors. I could go classic, arts and crafts/mission style, or a bit "french country"...but I do not like the ultra modern, ultra sleek kitchens- they don't feel warm and homey to me.  There would be a central counter top where the family could eat and provide extra counter/cook/sink space.  If the kitchen is the home area, then I would like it to be comfortable-perhaps with a nook off to the side with wood burning stove/fire place and a comfy place to read and day dream.  I would also like a computer area in/off the kitchen with TV/Stereo system...it would open to the family area where there could be a "game" area, same/different fire place, semi formal dining area and some comfy couches/entertainment area.

for the bathroom, an updated clawfoot tub, window seat with extra storage underneath, separate toilet room, steam multi headed shower....not sure if there would be a jacuzzi or not.  I would prefer something that says "bright, spacious, spa, comfy...again, not a fan of the ultra sleek/modern looking materials.  Would entertain borrowing from the Arts/Crafts colors and style, possible influences from the mission looks (lots of attempts at bringing nature indoors).

And obviously, I would have to have beautiful views from all of the windows...my favorite probably being the St. Croix River Valley...many trees and water to look at and watch the bird/boat migrations.